One of the most interesting aspects of playing Bocce in St. Helena are the names of the various teams we play against. The creativity level has been set fairly high so it takes a polished wit with a sprinkling of irony and a dash of cynicism to come up with a moniker that will stand out and let your opponents know you mean business, or you like to drink a lot. Some teams go for the obvious, yet still effective names like, De Boccery, Rock ‘n’ Rollers, Great Balls of Fire, Rolling Stones and Boccelism. Other teams bring in a little more pizzazz and mix it up with names like, Screwbalz, Joanie Loves Bocce, Holy rollers, Boccehooligans and Tipsy Moonshiners. And finally there are those teams that go for the gusto, letting it all hang out, using a nice blend of subtle depravity and imagination: TouchMyPallino, 99 Problems Bocce Ain’t One, Gamble’n Gutterballers, All Ya’ll’s Balls, Ball Droppers and last, and definitely not least, Balls Deep. The Hone Dogs opponent this week went by the deliciously creative title Cannoli Rollers. The Rollers showed they are more than just a tasty treat by withstanding an intense initial volley by the Dogs, and coming back strong in an effort to test our fortitude. However, we suddenly got hungry again and went back for seconds ending the game in a 12-8 Hone Dog victory. Furthermore, the Dogs must’ve taken last week’s Samurai story to heart because our hunger was ferocious and unyielding. The 2nd and 3rd games were a two-course dessert and went 12-2, 12-1 to the Dogs. Yet, despite the scores the Rollers played well and were a good group of folks. On the season we have 19 wins vs 2 losses.

Wednesday Sept 23rd 2009

Let's make this short and sweet. I haven't got all day. We won all 3 games 12-2, 12-0 (skunk woohoo!!!), 12-8. Wait. Hold the phone!!! There's one other item on today's abbrievated agenda. Due to popular demand the Dogs have added another stat category. We know our fans love our stats as much as we do, and we try our best to come up with new and exciting ways to impress all the stat geeks out there. Our new category is the LPB stat, which is a combination of Lag Rating and Points per ball thrown, much like the WHIP or OPS stats in baseball. This stat was developed through extensive research and the use of one-way ANOVA's and a vast array of correlation coefficients. Actually, we just wanted to have a stat that represented Lag Rating and Point Scoring living together in peace and harmony, the way it should be. In other news, the Hone Dogs now sport a record of 22 wins vs 2 losses.

Wednesday Sept 30th 2009

The mission for this week was to take down the infamous Bocce Architetti, who had their "designs" on World domination and Bocce glory. The Dogs suited up in their formalwear and utilized all of their special training and secret weapons to combat this devious foe, whose name strikes fear into normal, law-abiding, nonarchitecturally-inclined citizens everywhere. What would the Machiavellian plan be this time for Architetti?  Stealing a nuke and detonating it under some famous, yet tacky, semi-well-known structure, demolishing a dam thus flooding some poor unsuspecting suburb chock-full of strip-malls and Wal-Marts, or destroying a bridge that serves absolutely no purpose what-so-ever. Whatever their plot the Hone Dogs were there to stop them in their tracks. Their first two salvos were easy to withstand (12-3, 12-3) and the Dogs were back at the roulette table drinking dry martinis in no time. However, Architetti saved their most sinister scheme for last, and had the Dogs dangling by their ankles above the ubiquitous vat of bubbling hydrochloric acid. Yet somehow, miraculously, the Dogs managed to escape and pull the needlessly included self-destruct lever in Architetti’s evil, stylishly designed, yet a bit too post-modernly influenced secret lair. Everyone’s a critic. But really folks, I’m not exaggerating, it was close. The Dogs were down 6-8 before scoring two 3’s in-a-row to take the final game 12-8. The World is safe for now and the Dogs' record is 25 wins vs 2 losses.     

Wednesday Oct 7th 2009

We knew we were in for a dogfight during the warmups when our opponent Red's In had the calm, cool, collected, focus of a serial killer, or at least a burgeoning mass murderer. This was also an epic confrontation of the #1 vs #2 of Wednesday night. Where's ESPN when you need 'em? In addition, Red's In has given the Hone Dogs 50% of their losses, which occured during the very 1st week of the season. The first game was a classic battle of 1 point frames and after 7 of them, the dogs were down 2-5.  However, the level of play was outstanding, with both teams throwing multiple 1, 2, and 3 footers. The Dogs were pressing the whole game and knew, unconsciously, if there was some semblance of daylight they would be able to take advantage. This blatantly foreshadowed opening came in the 8^th frame. The Underboss threw a 1 footer that made the impressively accurate North-side ladies use up all their balls, yet only leaving a 2 foot "window."  But that was all Soldier Belhumeur needed as he carefully placed his 2 balls on the "windowsill" next to the wafting scent of fresh-baked pie, while showing Underboss the line.  Result: an impressive Casino with all balls within 18 inches. With that "momentum-shifting" Casino the Dogs were able to close the game out 12-6.  Just a quick word about momentum. There is an interesting phenomenon in sports that happens when one team seemingly has everything going its way. While this is happening, skill is abundant and all luck falls the way of the one team.  However, if the opposing team can weather the storm and find a way to shift the momentum back in their favor something else happens. The aforementioned momentum holders now begin to overthink and press a little too hard, usually with inadequate results. This is how teams come back from being down 11-3 to win 12-11 (which happens more often than you think).  What's more, there is always a “momentum shifter” moment that initiates the comeback. Which brings us back to that Casino. Anyhoot, back to our regularly scheduled program.  If you thought the 1st game was hard fought you shoulda stuck around for the 2nd game.  It was a back and forth antacid affair with the Dogs pulling it out by the skin of their well-used canines 12-11.  And with this outcome all the air had been let out of Red’s In’s proverbial balloon.  The last game went down as one of the fastest games in Hone Dog History: 9 minutes and 47 seconds (12-0). Two 2 pointers and two Casinos later it was all over and our beloved skunk was frolicking about in the October night. But don’t let the last game fool you… Red’s In was a formidable opponent and the Hone Dogs needed every ounce of their A-game to beat them. They will no doubt be trouble for any team in the playoffs. The record is now 28 wins vs 2 losses.

Wednesday Oct 14th 2009

We'll just say that you shouldn't mess with a Typhoon, even if it's 5000+ miles away from where it started. Rain records were obliterated all over the Bay Area yesterday contributing to over 200 serious traffic accidents and numerous power outages. St. Helena has received over 4 inches of rain in the last 24 hrs. Needless-to-say there will be no Bocce today. No Bocce for you!!! The Hone Dogs were prepared to play, and had scuba gear in tow, but they have had to come to terms with the fact that their match has been rained out. Damn you Typhoon Melor, damn you!!! Oh well, having drinks by the fire at Martini House doesn't sound so bad either. This all comes while the Dogs are chasing the Olive Oilers, like a Malamute after a Polar Bear, for the #1 seed going into the SH City Fall Playoffs. Stay Tuned...

                                                                                                            photo by Lieutenant McElroy

Wednesday Oct 21st 2009

This was a week of questions and anticipation. Was it going to rain? Would the courts be too wet to play? Would our opponents show up? We were playing the Notorious V.D.V. or Va De Vi who no-showed on us in week 3. But this week show up they did. Four brave souls (Carmen, Tom, Betsy and John) came to take on the dreaded Hone Dogs, fearing for their lives, but steadfast none-the-less. The games went relatively quickly, (12-2, 12-1, 12-3) but that was not b/c of Va de Vi's lack of skill. On the contrary, they rolled very well and had numerous one-footers and lags that took out potential points. Unfortunately, the Dogs are molding themselves into playoff form, mentally, physically and gastrointestinally, and were lagging balls like Ryan Howard hits pelotas. Our overall lag rating for all 3 games was close to the 2.20 range, which is off the hook. As a team lagging b/t a 1.90 and 2.00 is solid, so we were rolling out of our heads. Must be that new Dog food we switched over to (it's organic). Va de Vi were fun to play and magnanimous in defeat; and maybe on another night, where we weren't rolling like maniacs, they might've taken a game. Also, mad props to Kevin and Jason for leading the lagging charge this week. UPDATE: We've been informed by the powers that be that we will be making up last week's rained out games during the week before the playoffs. So there are 2 weeks left in the season before the "seeded" playoffs and the Hone Dogs are vying for 1st place overall in league. The Olive Oilers finally dropped their 1st game to the Sharpshooters -- so the '72 Dolphins can open their champagne -- however, the Dogs still need them to lose another game which would then bring 1st place down to point differential, and that will be close. The Dogs are now in the process of honing their skills into a precision point that is singularly focused and deadly accurate. The point differential is +234 and the record of 31 wins vs 2 losses.     

Wednesday Oct 28th 2009

Name four fun things to do in St. Helena in late October. 1) Celebrate a birthday 2) Eat some delicious food 3) Play Bocce 4) Hit something really hard with a broomstick. Mission accomplished. It was our beloved Capo Swearingen's 36th birthday and we celebrated in style with our opponents, Grgich Hills Bocce. Actually we celebrated in style in SF on Sunday with a city-wide scavenger hunt, Moroccan food and other various activities which I am not at present allowed to divulge. Our Consigliere again prepared a magnificent feast of Chicken Satay taken from an old family recipe that was given to his grandmother by Julia Child... or it coulda been just something he made up. Either way it is some of the best damn Satay I’ve ever had the pleasure of defiling with my canines. We definitely played some Bocce as well, but unfortunately we had a temporary malfunction which contributed to our losing game two. In addition, Grgich played well and used their feminine wiles to transfix the Dogs, and lull them into a billowy sense of hypnotic calm, much like what happens when someone is drowning. There are two ways to look at this situation:  One is to think about the loss in a whiny, self-serving, negative and pessimistic frame of mind. The other is to meander in the opposite direction and use the sting much like a ninja uses the pain of a paper cut to remind him of the last katana, by which he was almost gutted, but fortunately left only a flesh wound. We will remember this feeling as we play our final week and move forward into the playoffs next Saturday. Grgich is one of the most fun teams to play and they definitely take the “social” aspect to a whole new level. I mean they brought multiple piñatas to Bocce this year and always manage to have the most wine on hand. If we have to lose it might as well be to them. However, eventhough we are no longer in 1^st place in league we are assured to be the #2 seed in the playoffs no matter what happens next week, which hopefully sets up a nice little expedition through the Bocce wilderness towards the Olive Oilers in the finals. We officially took 1^st place for Wednesday night as well and have now been 1^st on our night each of the four seasons we’ve played in the new SH City league. (2 Weds & 2 Fri). Our record is 33 wins vs 3 loses.     

Oh and here's our new mascot.

Wednesday Nov 4th 2009

This was the last day of the season, which was actually an extra week added to the schedule as a make up match for our rain out during week 11 (see 10/14 pics above). Our opponent was La Dolce Vita. But don't let their sweet-sounding name fool ya these ladies were tough as nails determined to take a bite outta the Hone Dogs. Luckily, we had brought our Dog-shaped, kevlar, body armour. The 1st and 3rd games were of the 12-1, 12-3 variety but the 2nd game...oh she was a doosey, which we narrowly escaped from (with only minor bite marks), and a 12-10 win. La Dolce Vita are classy and talented and always give the Dogs a run for their money. The Hone Dogs finally tally for the season is one of the best ever: 36 wins vs 3 losses. 

Hone Dog Fall '09 Stats: