Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)


What’s your return policy?

If you are unhappy with the quality or performance of your Hone Dog you can return him to the nearest pound no questions asked.  Note: Wives and Girlfriends must fill out additional paperwork to prove your Hone Dog is housebroken and does not have rabies or sarcoptic mange.

How long will my Hone Dog last?

With proper cleaning and maintenance Hone Dogs have been shown to last at least 43 years…

Do you have customer service?

Of course! Our friendly and knowledgeable customer services representatives are available to answer your questions 24/7/365.  Just email your complaints with contact information to the Lucchese Family c/o  Pete the Killer (Sally Balls’ brother) and someone will get to you shortly.

What if my Hone Dog arrives and a part is missing?

Find a unicorn and whisper in it’s ear, after vigorously rubbing a leprechaun against a genie’s lamp three times. The part will then magically arrive via drone in two days.  (some results may vary)

What is the Meaning of Life?

Try and be nice to people, avoid eating fat, try and read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try to live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations.



Leave In Front, Follow That Line, Love Your Balls, Visualize